Manifestation of Love & Relationships in Society


Although I personally believe that Valentine’s Day is one of the stupidest holidays that we celebrate in the US, I decided to do a post relating to Valentine’s Day, but don’t worry, this will not be a sappy nor a cynical “Singles Awareness Day” post.

I decided to post based on a story my high school English teacher told us.  On the 4th of July, his family and friends always have a get-together barbecue.  So that year, he decided to actually make some meaning out of our Independence Day and sat there and read The Constitution, much to the snickering of the others at the gathering.  Of course, he was playing around a little bit, but at the end of the day, he was asking us to actually take a second, step back, and contemplate what certain holidays and events and traditions (I am not getting into the bidah discussion here) mean to us  and society at large.

So what have I been thinking about in anticipation of Valentine’s Day?  The manifestation of the idea of “love” as seen in relationships in our society.  I watched an episode of the Deen Show a month or 2 ago called “Great Sex has Emotions With It” with Shaykh Yasser Fazaga.  It was watching that episode and it put this thought in the back of my mind: how the Islamic ideas of love and relationships differ from the ones that we are familiar with growing up here in the West.  And now that thought has been brewing in the back of my mind for a while now.

Shaykh Yasser Fazaga is masha’Allah a gem of the SoCal community, an Islamic scholar and a real counselor at the same time.  What an awesome way to serve the Muslim community, masha’Allah!  In this episode of the Deen Show, a viewer sends in a question asking about how to get over someone that she was in an illicit relationship with.  Shaykh Yasser gives advice to her and others in her situation, but also speaks about the general ideas of emotional attachment and how emotions and emotional dependency are tied to physical intimacy.  Although I disregarded his advice about first finishing school and not coming to Dream this year, his advice is always on point masha’Allah, and this advice of that break-up situation and the other advice and points he brings up are absolutely fascinating and incredibly valuable.

One of the most interesting things that he talks about is the responsibility that comes between a man and a woman when they enter into a physical relationship, and how that is balanced in the Islamic system of family life.  The different institutions within Islam is something that continuously reminds me of what a blessing Islam is and how it truly is something that shapes and encompasses a person’s whole life.

An interesting side note on word usage in the Qur’an, the same word used for the covenant between Allah and His Messengers (AS) is the same word used for a marriage. I’ve put my notes from our Sunday Qur’an Days with Ustadh Nouman, where he basically runs through a translation and quick tafseer of 1/2 a juz in 5-6 hours.

 وَكَيْفَ تَأْخُذُونَهُ وَقَدْ أَفْضَىٰ بَعْضُكُمْ إِلَىٰ بَعْضٍ وَأَخَذْنَ مِنكُم مِّيثَاقًا غَلِيظًا

[4: 21] and How could ye take it when ye have gone In unto Each other, and They have taken from you a solemn covenant?

  • And how dare are you going to take it back from her, when you have been close with one another (sharing air)
    • a phrase that communicates the extent of closeness/intimacy between spouses
  • And they have taken from you a serious contract/intense, severe covenant
    • The “contract” is a liability on the husband and is in favor of the woman
      • That is such a beautiful way of describing marriage
      • ESPECIALLY on the Day of Judgment: the man will be asked
        • The Arabic word for responsibility is: mas’ool: someone who will be asked
  • Mithaaqan ghaleeDha: intense, strong, unbreakable, unbudging
    • This phrase is used to describe the contract that Allah took when He would charge the prophets with their spreading of Allah’s message (http://quran.com/33/7)

What an interesting way of speaking about marriage and what a powerful way of communicating its seriousness.  Even the idea of having a real marriage contract in Islam is something that continues to amaze me.

Another talk that I have recently watched is one by Shaykh Kamal El-Mekki called, “Moderation in Sexuality: Celibacy and Free Love.”  This talk is more of a social  analysis of the prevalence of promiscuity and looseness in the society, as the Deen Show episode was more of a psychological look at the individual.  This talk is also amazing masha’Allah, and I would really suggest for you to watch this when you get a chance.

One thing I love about his lecture is that he does a great job of showing how committing fornication/zina leads to various problems in society, while bringing concrete information and statistics to back up his arguments.  I think that this lecture would help us in our process of coming to a stance and attitude about certain issues, such as marriage in Islam, promiscuity, and etc.

And now turning away from the serious sides of things, Iwill bring some lighthearted fun to this post!!

I would love to leave you with a Muslim “meme” (I remember I had this term for a grammar dictionary we did in HS English, and I still have no idea what it means #litgeekfail) that popped up on my Facebook today from one of my favorite books 🙂  I found it to be very appropriate for this post 🙂 LOL.

And also, to put some fun in here with actual substance, I leave you with yet another one of Br. Boonaa Mohammad’s poems, his most famous poem maybe:  “For the Love.

I hope that this post has given you some things to “mull over in the water” (yes, a Harry Potter reference!! Book 4).  May Allah allow us to benefit from our scholars and leaders, and may He protect us from the lewdness and fitnah of the society.  May He help all of the single brothers and sisters get married and establish strong and healthy families, and may He continue to bless and protect those who are already married.

And now it is time to go to sleep so I can function in class tomorrow!

P.S., it snowed in Dallas a little last night!


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